Fluffy Bunnies, Jam Making & Kittens

If you are a bloke (especially The Chap), then you probably do not want to read this post. It will be very boring and about erm…. fluffy bunny rabbits, and jam making and I will probably finish off with some pictures of kittens and maybe babies in plant pots and watering cans.

So why not go off and play with your xbox or a power tool? It is okay, I don’t mind.

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Right, have they gone?

Oh My God!

I found a grey colourless hair the other night and have been too traumatised to speak of it for a few days.

Finding a grey colourless hair, is not that unusual I suppose. I am turning 37 in 44 days. Work is so pants I could open my own Knickerbox outlet and I did move house recently. All apparently stressful events that would result in the odd grey colourless hair.

I have, in fact, been finding the odd grey colourless hair for a few years now.

So why has this particular grey colourless hair sent me into a tailspin of epic proportions? What bothers me is WHERE I found it.

Mother Nature or Father Time, I am not sure which of you is responsible for this particular humiliation, but it is just NOT ON!

Silly Witch!

And, why wasn’t I warned? Is there a code of silence like discussing Father Christmas in a public place? I mean I was prepared for my boobs going from pert to a pair of your dad’s old socks with a tangerine at the end, I even had my back go once. I am never going to be showing off a concave stomach with an artfully placed navel adornment. But this! This is where I draw a line, there was no warning what so ever. One day everything was ok, maybe in need off a bit of attention, but basically all fine. Then Bang! the next day there it is shooting up Loud and Proud like it like a beacon to Tena Lady.

As someone who can truthfully state I have never inspected another person’s “lady garden” I had absolutely no idea this could happen.

My sister told me once she had my nephew she was completely surprised by the exclusive club she joined behind the baby changing doors. She has a good friend she made whilst breast feeding together in John Lewis’.

Is this a similar thing? Do I now get invited to go to a Woman’s Institute meeting or join a luncheon club? If not can I start one?

“Abigail’s Grey Colourless M^ff Meeting”

We could drink Bacardi Breezers and prank call the youth club.

Oh God, I feel sick and do you know the worst of it? The blooming, wail inducing and buttock clenching worst part?

I don't know what to do. I cannot see myself taking a discreet trip to Boots The Chemist, and there is certainly not an aisle to deal with my particular situation “Just For Lady Parts”. Plus removing the offending item would require a 20x magnifying glass, an angle poise lamp and very probably undertaking such positions that I not done since my school gym classes. I would also need my glasses… sigh.

I suppose I could remove everything, but I have done that before and quite frankly found my work colleagues were a bit disconcerted to see me at my desk scratching every few minutes. Mmmmm, No, definitely not an option.

I cannot help but worry too, is this the start of something new? What if it is counting down? Perhaps next week, there will be 2, then the week after 4….. Of course if that is the case, what is it counting down to?

Of course after finding the bloody thing, I was sitting on the bed wrapped in a towel contemplating a future of coach trip to the gardens of Kent, or perhaps having to take a crash course in Bingo when The Chap wandered in the bedroom.

TC “What’s the matter?”

Me “Nothing”

TC “Ok”

And off he toddled back down to watch Storage Hunters or maybe another program about a car being reconditioned.

I can share anything with The Chap, he knows about The Debt (now gone), about my work and how much I loathe Polystyrene.   He knows I like to bet on the Grand National, am obsessed with vouchers and like to suck the chocolate off Maltesers before I eat them.

However, there are some things he most definitely does not need to know. I believe this qualifies as #1.

Frugally and Rather Desperately Yours

Yours

Abigail

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