Imagine if you please, that the sun has set after a long day at work and you are resting on the sofa with your loved one, after a sausage and potato dinner lovingly prepared by your own hand.
The fire is on, and your pair of grey kittens are curled up in their respective baskets basking in the heat.
Your own feet are tucked up beneath you and your almost-but-not quite-perfect boyfriend is content as he has control of the remote and circa 85% of the sofa.
This is a quiet domestic scene, replicated across many households in the UK in the last few days. The weather outside is wintry, but baby it is warm in here.
On such occasions, my advice is to inhale deeply and enjoy the calm of the Monday evening,
My advice is not to say, “TC, have you checked the cats ears recently as Twinkle seems to be shaking her head a lot recently.?”
TC walks crab like across the carpet in a nonchalant manner, almost whistling and keeping his gaze firmly fixed at a distant point on the wall. He then drops to his knees like a ninja capturing a Star Wars Stormtrooper.
Face lit with pleasure, he turns to look at me, satisfied to his core. Twinkle is caught in his sturdy fingers.
Simultaneously, as Twinkle is captured, Belle did a perfect impression of a Red Bull drinker, grew wings and reverse bungee jumped a good 5ft before hot tailing it behind the sofa and squawking her displeasure.
The confined feline, of course is also joining in the verbal cacophony with pathetic mews (she really is such a coward) convinced we are about to develop a new line in kitten mittens.
Sh*t… guess who now has to look in her ears? I run upstairs and grab some cotton wool pads run them under the warm water tap and also locate the cat’s ear drop bottle.
Poor little thing they are not good and one is worse. We spent the next few minutes trying to get 2 drops of thick yellow substance into the ear, and not onto TC’s hands, my clothes and the rug. A near impossible task one would think, but I have found, swearing and sweating really helps.
Funnily enough the actual rubbing of the drops promotes purring. Silly little thing.
20 minutes later both ears have been cleaned of the worst, they were thick with wax.
Now for Belle.
If Belle was a soldier she would be in the special forces and have her own personal motto “Never give up, never surrender!”
It took the two of us to catch her, and the unfortunate demise of a rather nice mug, as one of the three of us knocked it over in our own special game of Evening Tag.
Luckily they were not too bad, and really we got off lightly once we had bandaged up TC and assured the neighbours they were not living next door a group of Satanists undertaking Animal Sacrifice.
The good news, we have to do it all again tonight.
The bad news, it obviously did not work as Twinkle and Belle must now have hearing problems as neither appeared this morning to say hello and when I called them both, all I caught sight of was the end of a tail disappearing around the spare bedroom door and underneath the bed.
Damn me and my bright ideas.